


Just One Yesterday

by peachbunny



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: M/M, angst so much angst, angst with happy ending, breakups and exes, dancer Jihoon, exes getting back together, exes getting back together (?), nielwink ss, songwriter Daniel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-07-03 09:37:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15816276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachbunny/pseuds/peachbunny
Summary: The awkward kisses, the tentative touches, the embarrassed laughter - he was inexperienced, he was new to this, he was falling in love for the first time - breathless under covers, lips locked hurriedly in public places, the echo of Daniel’s name repeated over and over.Park Jihoon - a whole poem in a name, an entire song in a voice. Daniel wonders why he ever let him go.(Where Kang Daniel is Produce Entertainment's most promising rookie songwriter, and Jihoon tries to come to terms with their amicable breakup from four years ago.)





	1. Just One Yesterday

**Author's Note:**

  * For [himarisu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/himarisu/gifts).



> written for [Sunshine, Starlight](http://www.twitter.com/nielwink_ss) nielwink fic exchange and this prompt:
> 
>  
> 
> **nw as exes meeting again but they didn't break up on bad terms, they just fell out of love naturally. whether it's a happy or sad ending is up to you!!**
> 
>  
> 
> I took this light-hearted prompt and destroyed it with an unbelievable amount of angst. There's a bit of fluff somewhere in the middle, I guess? Hope you enjoy!

"Daniel," Jaehwan crosses over to where the blonde sat looking out the window. "I swear, if I have to read through lyrics about whoever this manic pixie dream boy is for the nth time, I'm going to quit the business."    
  
"I'm just…not inspired," Daniel stretches out, letting the pen fall onto the table. "I lost my muse years ago."    
  
"Well, find it - we've got a commission for a collaboration,” Jaehwan pats Daniel's shoulder as he pulls out a chair and sits beside the blonde. He leans close and whispers in a low voice, “Between Hwang Minhyun and Ong Seongwoo."”   
  
"No shit,” Daniel's eyes widen. In the past year that he had been a songwriter at the company, he's never been assigned anything this big. “They're finally doing a collaboration?"

  
"Exactly," Jaehwan rolls his eyes at the late realization on Daniel's part. "Two of the company's biggest soloists finally giving their fans what they've been clamoring for."    
  
"What's the concept," Daniel leans forward, hoping that it's going to be something inspiring so he can get out of his slump. 

 

Sure, he's written a couple of songs that had gone on to chart at music shows in just the few months that he had been working for Produce Entertainment - but most of those songs were written years ago. 

 

Drafts he had just polished. 

 

_ Feelings he used to have. _

__  
  
And now he's the golden rookie of the production team, but he hasn't written anything hit-worthy in the last few months.

 

So he settles for helping out the choreography team, hoping to draw inspiration there - to no avail. 

  
  
Maybe this collaboration will be his silver lining.

  
  
"They want a sad love song," Jahewan gestures his hands around vaguely. "Being left behind and wanting someone back, that kind of angst." 

 

Daniel throws his hands up in the air.

  
"Great," Daniel puts both hands on the back of his neck in frustration. "Something I can't draw on experience for."

  
  
Jaehwan knits his eyebrows. "Didn't you have an ex? Like years ago?" 

  
  
"Yes," Daniel sighs. "But that was an amicable split. We both knew it wasn't going to work out because of different priorities."

  
  
"Well," Jaehwan chews at the bottom of the pencil he was holding. "Did you never want to get back together?"

  
  
Daniel pauses. It's a question he's been asking himself almost every night; every time he remembers those bright eyes and those soft hands. The boy he hasn't heard about in the last four years, let alone spoken to. 

  
  
"I thought about it, but I don't think I ever felt too strongly about it?" Daniel ventures, and it's Jaehwan's turn to sigh. "He's got his own life, I've got mine, and those things don't overlap."  

  
  
"Well, it's about time you get your muse back," the black-haired boy stands up, exasperated, and pushes back the chair.

  
  
"Easier said than done," Daniel groans. "I've tried traveling, reading books, learning new languages - nothing works." 

  
  
"Fall in love," Jaehwan shrugs. "Hell, fall in fake love. Just try to find the inspiration before the deadline in two months."  __  
  


 

***

  
  


The song on the radio grates against Jihoon's ears. He tries to ignore the upbeat pop-synth that echoed inside the taxi cab as he focuses on the skyscrapers he had wanted to see for so long - they were never quite this grand back home. 

 

This was a new start, a new life, fresh beginnings. He remembers his luggage back in the trunk - painstakingly covered with stickers - leaning against Woojin’s own. It was like one of those fun, overseas vacations with your best friend that offered a breath of fresh air - except that song that reminded him too much of the past. 

  
  
The production was perfect, the singer was top-notch - it was the lyrics. 

  
  
_ I see galaxies in your eyes, _

_ In those eyes,  _

_ In your star-filled eyes _

_ But you still shine brightest. _

 

  
"Sir, can we change the station?" he pipes up from the backseat. The gruff cab driver raises an eyebrow but complies, changing the station to news radio. "Thanks."

  
  
"Stop being so picky," Wooijn rolls his eyes. "If you jeopardize this dance job, then we’re heading back to Busan - and I thought you wanted to settle here?" 

  
  
"You're right," Jihoon lets out a breath. "Maybe I’m just nervous? Everything’s so unfamiliar." 

  
  
The cab stops in front of a large building - his dream company. 

 

_ Produce Entertainment. _   
  


 

Maybe  _ unfamiliar _ was just what he needed in this new life.

  
  


*

  
  


Daniel follows Jaehwan into the assembly hall on the tenth floor - it’s the regular Monday morning rundown on the company’s ongoing and upcoming projects; occasionally some staff announcements and updates on the cafeteria food. 

 

Daniel had been adamant that he’d rather spend the time writing, but Jaehwan had pulled him in anyway to meet the two singers they’d be composing for. 

 

“First up,” the lively new hire chirped over the microphone when all the employees have settled. Daniel’s attention is fixed on his phone, half-written drafts blinking up at him. Where was he supposed to find inspiration in a couple of weeks? For a song that could probably cement his position as a songwriter - something he had been relentlessly chasing for the past few years. He’d given up so much to get here, only to fall short when it finally mattered.

 

“We have an upcoming collaboration between two of our best male balladeers,” the girl excitedly bounced in front, the older executives smiling appreciatively at the excessive energy that came with youth. “And I’m as excited as all their adoring fans - Hwang Minhyun and Ong Seongwoo!” 

 

The room erupted in cheers and claps as the two tall men with matching jet-black hair walk shyly to the front, bowing profusely as they went. Ong Seongwoo went first, taking the microphone and reciting practiced platitudes to the company and to the staff.

 

“Minhyunnie and I have been talking, and the type of song we want to show the fans is one of heartbreak and longing,” he speaks earnestly, and Daniel raises his eyes.  _ Maybe he can get some inspiration here.  _

 

Minhyun gave a deep laugh before continuing for his partner, “It’s not a new concept, we know - but we hope the sincerity of our voices and the meaningful song can bring our hearts closer to the fans.”

 

Jaehwan turns to face Daniel, who gulps at the pressure. 

 

“So we would like to thank the golden duo who will help us bring this collaboration to life,” Seongwoo grins and gestures an arm over to where they were seated. “Kim Jaehwan and Kang Daniel!” 

 

The audience breaks into scattered applause as Jaehwan and Daniel slowly rise up and give low bows. 

 

“Feel the pressure yet?” Jaehwan whispers beside the blonde, who looked like he was about to sweat bullets. 

 

“You’re lucky you can pull melodies out of your ass on the spot,” Daniel hisses as they sit back down.

 

The program continues for a few more minutes, Daniel barely listening as he agonizes over where he can find his inspiration. 

 

“And last item on the agenda,” the host reads out from a clipboard, “We have two new dancers coming in today - two Parks who are the same age, what an adorable duo!”

 

Daniel doesn’t look up, not even when Jaehwan nudges him to whisper,  _ they’re cute! _

 

He grunts in response and continues typing away, finally getting some semblance of an idea for the song he should write.

 

“Hi, my name is Park Woojin, and I’ve always wanted to be a dancer at this company,” a low voice with a good vocal tone started. “Please take care of me!” 

 

_ A few scattered claps and cooing meant that Park Woojin had done something adorable,  _ Daniel thinks as he types furiously.

 

“Hi,” the second voice comes, and Daniel nearly drops his phone in his hurry to look up. He’d recognize that sound in a heartbeat - after all, that voice had whispered sweet nothings in his ears more times than he’d like to admit. “My name is Park Jihoon.” 

 

“He looks like a doll,” he hears Jaehwan whisper beside him, but his eyes are trained on that familiar face, those red lips, those brown locks he used to run his fingers through now dyed a blazing red.

 

Park Jihoon looks in his direction with those eyes that looked like they were about to burst into tears any second, straight at Daniel. 

 

“Please take care of me.”

  
  


***

  
  


_ “Please take care of me,” his voice echoed then after a quick introduction and a small sample of what dances he could do, Daniel clapping loudly to welcome the latest freshman addition to their college dance club. _

 

_ It was summer when he first met him - brown hair, soft hands, and the brightest eyes that looked like they would spill a fountain of emotion at the smallest provocation.  _

  
  


_ Park Jihoon was an assault on the senses and his grades.  _

 

_ Him and his shy smiles and his sharp words and that insufferable attitude that made and unmade Kang Daniel in the same breath. _

 

_ “Songwriter?” Jihoon had asked then, cheeks flushed at the cold winds that came with autumn. “I thought you wanted to be a choreographer?”  _

 

_ “You’re not the one who’s going to graduate next year,” Daniel ruffled the younger’s hair in a desperate bid to keep himself from falling further in love. “The music production track seems a lot more promising than the dance track. Besides, I studied both.”  _

 

_ Daniel can’t tell him that Jihoon had awakened the songs in his heart and he’ll write them all out for him to hear.  _

 

_ He’s not that cheesy. _

 

_ “Well, I hope I’ll get to hear the songs you will write,” Jihoon had smiled then, the genuine wide smile that Daniel rarely sees. And he hopes it’s a smile meant just for him. “But I still need you to help me choreograph my performances.” _

 

_ “Why are you such a brat,” Daniel had laughed back as they walked home together from dance practice.  _

 

_ It was the following spring when he first kissed those soft lips that tasted like cherries, the first time he heard that Jihoon loved him back after all those months spent desperately pining. _

 

_ Brown hair, soft hands, and the brightest eyes that were so in love with him.  _

 

_ The awkward kisses, the tentative touches, the small, embarrassed laughter - he was inexperienced, he was new to this, he was falling in love for the first time - breathless under covers, lips locked hurriedly in public places, the echo of Daniel’s name.  _

 

_ Park Jihoon - a whole poem in a name, an entire song in a voice.  _

  
  


***

  
  


“Why is he here!” Jihoon hisses once he was back in his shared room with Woojin. “Of all the places he would end up in, he’s  _ here _ ?” 

 

“Calm down,” Woojin snorts in laughter, “Your face is almost as red as your hair.” 

 

“I’m here for a fresh start, not to pick on old scars,” Jihoon plopped down onto the bed face first. 

 

“But you told me yourself, you were the one who ended it with Kang Daniel,” Woojin sat on his own bed opposite the other Park. “If anything, he should be the one avoiding  _ you _ .”

 

“We ended it as friends,” Jihoon mumbles. “I just happened to be the one who fell out of love first.” 

 

“Then you should be able to pick it up as friends,” Woojin rolls his eyes. 

 

“Or,” Jihoon buries his face in a pillow, “I can just ignore him. He’s a songwriter anyway, we won’t see each other much.”

 

“Hoonie,” Woojin unpacks a roll of clothes from his bag, “You never told me he was  _ unbelievably  _ handsome.” 

 

Jihoon scrunches his nose as he regards his roommate with disgust. 

 

“Good luck ignoring that,” Woojin snickers. 

 

*

 

Daniel shuffles alongside the rest of the dance crew on their way to the performance venue. He wasn’t supposed to be here - he wanted to be locked inside the studio with Jaehwan in a desperate bid to write several drafts of a heartbreak song before the deadline.

 

But Jaehwan had pushed him out, telling him that he did nothing but interrupt the flow of music with his constant sighing and incessant whining - so here he was, escorting the dance crew as part of the choreography team. 

 

The worst part about this whole ordeal was that he still doesn’t know if he should talk to a certain red-haired dancer - and if he did,  _ what did they have to talk about _ ? There’s a certain dull pain in making small talk with someone you used to love; someone you had promised forever to. 

 

But Daniel had felt that familiar tug on his chest every time he heard Park Jihoon laugh during rehearsals. A laugh that could make him smile, even when he wasn’t supposed to. 

 

So he looks back to find himself making eye contact with the very eyes he had wanted to see - only for Jihoon to avert his eyes and drop his gaze onto his phone, completely ignoring Daniel.

 

Daniel on the other hand, tries to pretend that he was looking for something else behind Jihoon. 

 

_ Awkward _ .

  
  


*

 

Jihoon wipes his hands on his jeans for the nth time this evening. 

 

They were watching the performing members of the crew on stage, and the choreographers and the newbies sat backstage. 

 

And as luck would have it, Park Jihoon was sitting right beside Kang Daniel.

 

The boys around them cheer as the performers on stage land another gymnastic move flawlessly, and Jihoon attempts to shout along despite his attention being divided between that and trying to ignore the ex right beside him.

 

“So,” Daniel awkwardly attempts to lean in to speak to Jihoon despite the loud music reverberating across the backstage and the screams from their teammates. “Red hair?”   
  


Jihoon shoots him a practiced look that was supposed to channel  _ nonchalance _ , but came out looking a lot like  _ shocked ex-boyfriend _ , “Yeah.” 

 

“It suits you,” Daniel smiles.

 

_ Are you seriously flirting with me again?  _ Jihoon feels his heartbeat quicken and he rubs his palms on his jeans for the nth time. “Thanks,” Jihoon replies, trying to keep the conversation short. 

 

_ He was definitely not here to fall in love with Kang Daniel a second time.  _

 

“Can you come with me?” Daniel offers after a quick pause, trying to find a conversation topic that will actually catch on.

 

“What?” Jihoon regards him with an incredulous stare, hands still clapping to the beat of the music.

 

“Just come on, it’s a sunbae’s order,” Daniel grins.

 

Jihoon should say no, he  _ needs _ to say no, but he finds himself moving to the beat of Daniel’s whims.  _ Besides, they were supposed to have broken up as friends - what was wrong with two friends catching up? _ Jihoon rolls his eyes before standing up and following Daniel away from the backstage. 

 

All the way up to the rooftop and out into a balcony.

 

“How come they don’t arrest you for trespassing,” Jihoon says as he ducks at the low doorframe, feeling the familiarity settle back in between them.

 

“So we did end up landing our dream jobs, huh?” Daniel starts, ignoring Jihoon’s quips (but loving that he gets to hear the sass again) and he leans against the railing.

 

“You’re supposed to be a songwriter in the international scene, but I guess you can’t leave that easily,” Jihoon scoffs.

 

“I can’t leave, I’ll miss this place too much,” Daniel replies, and Jihoon feels a knot in his stomach. It’s ironic how  _ I can’t leave _ is something that came out of Daniel’s mouth. “And you - all you wanted to do was dance.” 

 

_ With you _ , Jihoon’s mind completes for him, but he keeps his lips shut. 

 

“You never replied to my messages,” Daniel suddenly breaks the growing silence in between them - two boys under a cloudless sky.

 

“My other boyfriends after you didn’t like it,” Jihoon explains. “Said you were too much of a threat.” 

 

He studies Daniel’s expression, which for a split second, looked like it had grown serious; before it broke into another bright smile.

 

“See, you didn’t even tell me you have a boyfriend!” Daniel ruffles his hair. 

 

“ _ Had _ .” Jihoon corrects. “ _ Boyfriends _ . Pretty sure you dated around after me as well, didn’t you?” 

 

Daniel hums, which could have been a yes or a no, but Jihoon didn’t want to pry.  _ Or maybe he was afraid to hear the answer. _

 

_ So you’re single now? _ A question on the tip of their tongues, but nobody wanted to askfirst. Instead, Daniel throws out a hand.

 

“We’re friends right?” Daniel tilts his head, and Jihoon feels his chest tighten - because Daniel is still as adorable as he remembers. “When we split up, we said we’ll still be friends - so I don’t think we should be ignoring each other, especially now that we’re colleagues.”

 

“Of course,” Jihoon takes Daniel’s hand and smiles, finally. 

 

_ Friends _ . 

  
  


***

 

_ "Where do you think we'd be, five years from now?" Jihoon asks, bright eyes blown wide as he taps the controller on his lap. _

 

_ Daniel raises an eyebrow from his lounging position on the couch across the brown-haired boy. Jihoon was never one to ask questions like this. _

 

_ "Do you have a fever?" Daniel jokes, pressing the pause button as soon as the game screen loaded, and he knows it's not a joking matter because Jihoon doesn't grunt in annoyance. _

 

_ "I'm serious, Daniel," Jihoon whines, dropping his controller on the couch. "Like, this is fine and I like where we are, but-" _

 

_ Jihoon pauses and looks away, like this is a conversation he started but didn't know how to end. _

 

_ "Come here," Daniel says gently, taking Jihoon's wrist and pulling him into an embrace as they both lay down on the couch - paused game screen blinking on the TV and controllers laying forgotten. _

 

_ Jihoon hesitates at first, but lets himself get pulled into the warmth of Daniel's arms, until his ear lies right above the older boy's beating heart. _

 

_ "Here." Daniel answers, burying his face in the younger's hair - getting a whiff of the fruity shampoo that had become so familiar over the past few months. _

 

_ "What?" Jihoon answers softly, fingers tugging at the sleeves of Daniel's sweater. _

 

_ "This is where we'll be, five years and forever from now." _

 

***

 

Daniel winces at the memory - because it had been five years from that day, and Park Jihoon was definitely not in his arms.

 

No, Park Jihoon had been in the arms of others - others that he will never know about because he is too afraid to ask.

 

Too afraid to know that Jihoon had been in love with someone else that wasn’t him. 

 

There’s sharp pinpricks on his chest as he watches the red-haired boy effortlessly move on stage, his once fiery moves during dance club a few years ago now replaced with the calculated precision of the choreography. 

 

Jihoon is now on the dance studio floor, learning a complicated dance as he had been doing for the past two weeks.  Two weeks, during which Daniel waits for him after practice, they talk for a few minutes, before Jihoon is whisked away by someone or another.

 

Daniel doesn’t even know why he’s gravitating once again to the only warmth he’s ever known.

 

The choreographer raises a hand to signal for a break, and the group disperses.

 

“Hey,” Jihoon calls out when he sees Daniel leaning against the doorframe. 

 

Daniel lifts a hand up, and sees both Park boys walking toward him, towels draped around their necks.

 

“It’s a bit of a late introduction, but this is Woojin,” Jihoon mumbles and Daniel nods as he shakes the younger Park’s hand. “He joined the dance club during senior year, so you probably don’t know him that well.”

 

“What songs have you written, hyung? Last I saw you was way back in college,” Woojin asks when the choreographer calls Jihoon back to the center of the dance floor. Probably for a few additional pointers.

 

“Uh, you know the song,  _ Brightest _ ?” Daniel gestures his hands around vaguely. “Not sure if that’s memorable enough but it’s my favo-”

 

“I love that song!” Woojin gapes, still wiping the sweat from his brow. “You wrote it?” 

 

Woojin sings the melody quickly (and off-key), earning a laugh from Daniel.

 

_ I see galaxies in your eyes, _

_ In those eyes,  _

_ In your star-filled eyes _

_ But you still shine brightest. _

 

“Yeah, that one,” Daniel grins, liking this boy already. 

 

“I used to play it every night at our dorm when it came out! Although Jihoon always tells me to turn it off,” Woojin prattles on, unaware of the change in Daniel’s bright expression. 

 

“He doesn’t like it?” Daniel muses softly, barely listening as Woojin continues talking about songs and dances, and all the things that Daniel usually cares about.

 

Daniel looks at the back of Jihoon’s head as it nods to the instructions being given by the choreographer. 

 

Red hair, careful moves. But something in Daniel still hopes that it’s  _ his _ Jihoon.

 

Maybe Daniel had never really moved on.

  
  


*

 

Woojin raises an eyebrow as he watches the interaction happening in front of him. 

 

“You owe me that piece of chicken,” Jihoon whines, reaching over to spear some meat from Daniel’s plate, but the older was laughing as he shielded his food using his broad shoulders. 

 

“I’m paying for everything, stop being a brat,” Daniel laughs, and Woojin calmly drinks his tea.

 

_ Ignore Kang Daniel, my ass _ . He shoots a pointed look at his roommate, who at this point was too engrossed in reclaiming his lost drumstick.

 

Daniel had asked Jihoon if he wanted to get dinner, Jihoon said he had plans with Woojin, Woojin denied having any plans, Daniel offered to buy Woojin dinner.

 

And that’s how he ended up here. In the middle of a blatant flirtationship that both sides wanted to deny. 

 

Not that he minded all that much - he’d never seen Jihoon enjoying himself this much. The first time he met Park Jihoon, the older Park was single-mindedly focused on his career, barely made any new friends except for a handful of handsome boys he would break up with after only a few dates, and for the most ridiculous reasons.

 

He watches the two bicker and laugh, how Jihoon pulls a plate away from Daniel ( _ because it has seafood _ ), how Daniel pretends to take chicken from Jihoon but ends up giving him the best parts of it anyway.

 

How Jihoon tenses when he accidentally brushes against Daniel’s hand, how Daniel’s gaze lingers a few seconds longer on Jihoon when he thinks no one is looking. 

 

Woojin noisily slurps the noodles in his bowl, but his eyes drop to where Daniel’s fingers had found Jihoon’s own, underneath the table. Where they thought nobody could see.

 

And Jihoon doesn’t move his hand away.

 

Woojin decides that this is something he’ll have to ask Jihoon later. For now, he’s content with free food and the possibility that his best friend gets a second shot at happiness.

  
  


*

  
  


Jihoon closely watches his reflection in the mirrors that reached from floor to the ceiling; covering the entire west wall of the dance studio. Auburn hair glowing gold under the warm, dim lights, arms bared by the rolled-up sleeves of the black shirt clinging onto his back, the extremely loose track pants pooling around his ankles before it hits his worn high-tops. 

 

He snaps to the beat, furious and pumping. Exaggerates each movement before popping it sharply back, until he’s no longer focused on watching his reflection on the mirror - he’s focused on how Kang Daniel has invaded his mind yet again. 

  
_ Despite all these years that he’s convinced himself that he’s moved on.  _

 

The song blasts loud, a dance tune he’s too familiar with that his body moves completely on its own and he’s lost in his thoughts. 

 

His movements are interrupted when the beat abruptly stops.

 

“You still have this on your playlist?” Daniel’s husky voice comes in the dark. “ _ Love You Gently. _ ”

 

Jihoon whips his head around. The beating of his heart was still pounding in his ears when the song starts playing. 

 

_ That song. _

 

Slow, and soft, _ and enthralling _ . And Daniel right there, partially obscured by the darkness and slightly revealed by the warm studio lights.

 

“I’m not allowed to listen to it every now and then?” Jihoon scoffs, wiping the sweat that was running down his neck. 

 

“I choreographed this for us,” Daniel hums in recollection, slowly walking over to the beat of the song, and Jihoon sees that the boy was dressed not just to spectate. “Do you remember?”

 

“Not really,” Jihoon smirks, earning an exaggerated pout from the taller man. 

 

“Come on,” Daniel pulls Jihoon in position, just as the bass drops; and Jihoon’s body betrays his intention to pretend like he’s forgotten this - because he snaps into position, Daniel closely mimicking the moves right beside him. 

 

Step left. Leg slide. Arms wide out and snap back in. Another sensuous drag of his leg, rubber soles screeching against hard floor.  _ Teasing. _ A caress down the left arm before a slower dip down his waist, down to his pelvis, slow.  _ Tempting. _ A quick snap inward of the knees and they break into the chorus. 

 

Only Daniel does the wrong move and leans into Jihoon instead of stepping away. 

 

Close. _ Too close. _

 

“I thought you choreographed this,” Jihoon breathes as he continues to step to the beat,  _ let me love you gently.  _ “Why are you making mistakes?” 

 

“Shh,” Daniel whispers, low,  _ lay back relax _ . “Mistakes are for amateurs. Just dance as you remember.”

 

Mistakes are definitely for amateurs, because the moves Daniel makes are all painstakingly, professionally precise - his mouth dipping much too close against Jihoon’s bared jaw. 

 

His hands trailing after Jihoon’s when the younger traces it across his body. 

 

His legs almost entwining with Jihoon’s own, but never to tangle and trip - stepping out of reach just at the last moment. 

 

His hips a hair’s breadth away as the two of them grind down to match the choreography. 

 

Jihoon is breathless when the song draws to the end, and he doesn’t know if it’s because of the complicated choreography or the even-more-complicated feelings bubbling in his chest.

Daniel keeps his hand on Jihoon’s waist as the music slowly fades - leaving them panting in the middle of the dim studio. 

 

“I’m surprised you haven’t forgotten it yet,” Daniel whispers in Jihoon’s ear, and it rips open a brand new flutter across Jihoon’s chest. 

 

Jihoon doesn’t respond, frozen in his spot - Daniel’s hand spreading warmth where it touched. 

 

“How can I,” he finally croaks out, still unmoving as his eyes rise to face the mirror and he sees it: he’s wrapped again in Daniel’s arms, Daniel’s face nearly resting on his shoulder, the both of them drenched in sweat and chests heaving.  _ How can I forget someone like you? _

 

“Hoonie,” a voice calls from the doorway and they break apart. 

 

“Woojin,” Jihoon calls back, voice pitched a tinge higher in his surprise. 

 

“I’m going back to the room, I’ll leave you one of the keys,” Woojin awkwardly announces. Obviously he’s seen more than he wanted to.

 

“No, I’m,” Jihoon scrambles to pick up his phone from its connection to the studio speakers. “I was going to go back anyway. I’ll go back with you.” 

 

“Aren’t you busy with-” 

 

“See you around, Daniel!” Jihoon clutches tightly onto Woojin’s arm and pulls him out of the studio - leaving the tall blonde rooted to his spot. 

 

Jihoon’s waist in his arms. Jihoon flinching into his touch. 

  
  


It’s been a long while since the last time.

  
  


***

  
  


_ “So you’re okay with this?” Daniel takes Jihoon’s hands in his. “We can stop contact for a while just so we both have time to move on.” _

 

_ “Absolutely fine,” Jihoon snickers, taking his hand back. “It didn’t work out, a lot of things don’t.” _

 

_ Daniel smiles.  _

 

_ “I’ll miss you,” he admits, standing up from the couch to shake Jihoon’s hand.  _

 

_ Jihoon takes it and smirks. “Get out of here, Kang.” _

 

_ “One last hug for the road?” _

 

_ “And you say I’m the clingy one?” But Jihoon reaches over and pulls Daniel into an embrace that lasts just a few seconds too long. _

 

_ Jihoon finally breaks, and whispers in a soft voice, “Do we really have to do this?” _

 

_ “I need this,” Daniel sighs. Just as he had the last ten times they talked about it. “You need it too. We both, we just, kind of rushed into this relationship you know? Just infatuated.”  _

 

_ Daniel teases, “There’s a lot more things for you to do than just me.” _

 

_ “Yeah,” Jihoon breaks the hug and forces a smile. “See you whenever.” _

  
  


***

 

“What was  _ that _ ?” Woojin shuts the door closed and puts his hands on his hips.

 

“I don’t know,” Jihoon plops down on the bed, looking down guiltily at his shoes. The scratches at his hair before shaking his head. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this!”

 

Jihoon groans for a good few seconds before Woojin sits opposite him, elbows on both knees. 

 

“Park Jihoon,” he begins. “Do you still like him?”

 

Jihoon feels his throat dry and his heart start hammering in his chest again. 

 

“I,” he begins, but Woojin holds up a finger to stop him.

 

“If there is at least a small piece of you that wants to know what it will be like to be with Kang Daniel again,” Woojin starts, sighing. He didn’t think he’d be dishing out real life advice this early in his career. “You owe it to yourself to see that chance through.”

 

“You’re not judging me?” Jihoon raises his head and stares at his best friend.

 

“Do you see yourself when you’re around him?” Woojin scoffs. “It’s almost disgusting.” 

 

Jihoon’s cheeks color at that - he was hoping that he wasn’t too obvious. 

 

“Makes me doubt what you said about falling out of love with him first?” Woojin lies back down and covers his eyes with an arm. “You’re still so ridiculously into him.”

  
  


***

 

The next few days are a blur - and Daniel wonders why he ever fell out of love with Jihoon. 

 

It’s the same bright smile, the same embarrassed laughter. The same small hands that fit perfectly in his. 

 

The same old jokes, the same way he could anticipate just what Jihoon would say, the same way Jihoon simply rolls his eyes when he had laughed too hard over nothing.

 

They watch the same movies, play the same games, talk about old friends they haven’t seen in a long time.

 

Daniel admits that he’s never been with anyone else but Jihoon, and Jihoon admits that he never really got into anything serious after Daniel. And it’s enough to pull them closer together, barely inches away, then millimeters, then a second.

 

The same petal-soft lips, chapped as they were, that tasted like cherries. Daniel kisses them twice, thrice, hidden behind doors. In between walks to the company cafeteria. While pulling Jihoon into bed with him.

 

The absence of the past four years disappear, because the way Jihoon gasps and the way Jihoon moans, and the way Jihoon feels under him and over him felt exactly like how it did all those years ago.

 

Daniel wakes up to Jihoon’s red hair splayed across the pillows like paint on an empty canvas, and the words just come to him. Jihoon’s eyelashes barely flutter under the weight of his sleep, and Daniel smiles at how nothing has changed.

 

Daniel wonders why he ever let him go.

  
  


***

  
  


Jaehwan raps lightly on the open door as Woojin and Jihoon finished their stretches. "Hey, Parks," he grins, letting himself in and glancing around as if expecting to see something.

  
  
"Jaehwan-sunbaenim," the two greet simultaneously, making to rise from their position on the floor before Jaehwan raises a hand. 

  
  
"No  _ sunbaenims _ here, just call me  _ hyung _ ," he smiles. "Or Jjaeni. Have you two seen Daniel?" 

 

The two shake their heads, and Jihoon feels a warm flutter in his chest at hearing Daniel’s name.

  
  
"He's finally writing properly again," Jaehwan explains. "It's like he's been in a rut for the past few months and now he’s finally found that muse of his again.” 

 

Jihoon tries to hide the proud smile breaking on his lips as he continued to stretch his quads.

 

“And then he gets commissioned to write a song about heartbreak and longing and he goes, 'Oh, I've never experienced that,' and I tell him his ex mustn't feel too good about that. And the guy waves it off like it was nothing." 

  
  
"So yeah, I told him to go ahead and find a fake little romance to get the gears going," Jaehwan continues, and Woojin worriedly looks over to where Jihoon had frozen still. 

  
  
"Hyung," Woojin tries to interrupt, but Jaehwan merrily continues.

  
  
"And true enough he does! Now we finally have the beginnings of a song."

  
  
*

  
  
"There you are," Jaehwan plops down beside Daniel and looks over the sheaf of paper the taller boy was reading through. "Don't tell me you've finished writing already?"

  
  
"First draft," Daniel waves the paper proudly. "All thanks to my muse."

  
  
"You mean the poor, gullible idiot you tricked into falling for you because you need to write a song?" Jaehwan raises an eyebrow. "I've heard of method acting, but this is some kind of  _ method songwriting. _ " 

  
  
"It's not a fake romance, I think this one actually stands a chance." Daniel pushes Jaehwan, laughing. "You remember my ex? The one I had a friendly breakup with?"

  
  
"You mean the one you feel absolutely no remorse for?" Jaehwan deadpans.

  
  
"Well, I think we're getting back together," Daniel grins, feeling a blush climb up his cheeks, which earns a shove from his friend.

  
  
"Get outta here," Jaehwan finally lets out that familiar riotous laughter.

  
  
"I know, I know," Daniel rolls his eyes but laughs along. "I can't believe I ever let Jihoon go." 

  
  
"Jihoon…” Jaehwan gawks, color draining from his cheeks. “You don’t mean Park Jihoon from the dance department?"

  
  
"Yeah, he's cute, isn't he?" Daniel gushes. "Been that way since university. Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier."

  
  
"Daniel, I-" Jaehwan feels his tongue dry. He may have monumentally messed up his friend's chance at happiness.

  
  
"See you later, Jaehwannie," Daniel singsongs, piece of paper clutched tightly in his hands.    
  


 

***

 

_ “Is there someone else,” Jihoon hissed. _

 

_ “No, there’s some _ thing _ else,” Daniel wiped his face with a hand. “A lot of something elses. Other things I have to do rather than just sit here with you. My whole world does not revolve around  _ just  _ you, Jihoon. I’ve got work, and dreams, things to do, places to go-” _

 

_ “Well so do I,” Jihoon roared, pulling himself up to try to match Daniel’s height but coming short. He wants to recite all the things he’d rather do than sit around holding Daniel’s hand; but it’s not true - he’d much rather put Daniel above all else. So he settled for glaring. _

 

_ Daniel is taken aback and sighed. _

 

_ “Listen to us,” Daniel breathed, taking a seat on the sofa. “We shouldn’t be fighting like this.”  _

 

_ “If we both think we’re holding each other back then we-” _

 

_ “Should break up.” Jihoon finished, tone resolute. “I’ve been thinking it for a while now.”  _

  
  


*** 

  
  


"I don't know why we had that 'let's never see each other again deal'," Jihoon laughs. "It's not like there was anything to move on from - we were over before we even ended." 

  
  
"Jihoon," Woojin raises a hand to put on Jihoon’s shoulder. 

  
  
"Stupid Kang Daniel and his stupid songs and his stupid promises of forever," Jihoon's voice finally cracks. "What's worse is I bought everything he sold, and now he's okay but I'm not, and I hate it." 

  
  
"How can he fall out of love with me when I was still in love with him?" Jihoon smiles bitterly. "It's not fair." 

  
  
"Then why did you pretend you fell out of love before he did?" Woojin asks.

  
  
"I hate losing," Jihoon laughs weakly. "And it's not his fault if he doesn't love me anymore. Who was I to stop him?"    
  


 

Woojin watches as Jihoon attempt to bite his tears back, but they spilled out nonetheless.

 

  
"I watched him, day by day, fall out of love every second," Jihoon confesses. "You compare it with the first time he holds me close and doesn't want to let go; and then you feel the same hands that wanted to hold mine so bad wanting to break away."    
  


 

***

 

  
_ "I wish I didn't love you anymore," the words drifted from his lips like a fervent prayer. His eyes look up and lock with Daniel's - and it's funny how the older boy looked like he felt absolutely nothing then.  _

__  
_  
_ __ "Why," he had answered, blank eyes scanning how the sunlight colored Jihoon's eyes a deep honey gold. How fleeting the color came and went as the boy tilted to face away. 

__  
_  
_ __ "Do I even have to say it," Jihoon's voice trembled with the emotion he tried to keep in. 

__  
_  
_ __ Daniel sighed. He was sick of theatrics, sick of the melodrama, sick of the cloyingly sweet scent of Park Jihoon on his memories - but this was not the day to break things off. It was Jihoon's birthday after all.

__  
_  
_ __ Daniel takes off his shirt, stands up and walks over, and feels how Jihoon goes rigid at the touch of his hands on the younger's shoulders. 

__  
_  
_ __ "Don't," Jihoon weakly protests. 

__  
_  
_ __ "I don't know what you're worried about," Daniel whispers. "I'm still yours."

__  
_  
_ Until when __ , Jihoon wanted to reply, but Daniel's lips were on his. And he pushes all the thoughts to the back of his mind - yet his tears fell softly, unheard, against the pillows as Daniel moved against him in a memorized rhythm.

 

_ And Jihoon realized then _ \- It’s only a matter of time before they break.

  
  


***

  
  


Daniel doesn’t know how it led to this.

 

One second, he is rushing over to show Jihoon a song he has finally completed - and tell Jihoon that he’s the only muse he’s ever known. The next - the next second is how they break.

 

“I finished writing the song,” Daniel had held up the piece of paper, lyrics hastily written in a scrawl.

 

Jihoon hums mindlessly, turning up the music inside the soundbooth.

 

“Do you want to read it?” Daniel asks, confused at the lack of enthusiasm. He puts the paper on Jihoon’s desk anyway.

 

A pause. The song crescendoing to an end.

 

“Are you done?” Jihoon asks, avoiding Daniel’s eyes as he hits pause. 

 

“What?”

 

“I asked,” Jihoon finally meets Daniel’s eyes, and the older could finally see that he had been crying. Jihoon enunciates clearly. “Are you done with me again?”

 

“I don’t understand, Jihoon, what’s wro-”

 

“You tell me,” Jihoon’s voice is cold. “What’s wrong with me? With what we had?”

 

“Jihoon,” Daniel blinks, suddenly blurting out the words he had wanted to say so badly ever since the moment he saw Jihoon again a few weeks ago: “I love you.” 

 

Jihoon stands up, staring blankly at Daniel like he had just delivered some sort of cruel joke.

 

“Seriously?” Jihoon scoffs in mock laughter, arms crossed tightly against his chest.  _ To keep from breaking _ . “You couldn’t even pull a heartbreak song from our breakup! What makes you think you’ll love me enough this time around to actually get hurt when it ends?”

 

“Jihoon!” Daniel yells, surprising the younger and himself.  _ But how dare he tell him that it didn’t mean anything? _ “I wrote all those songs about you because I loved you, you think I walked away from that unscathed? Do you think I’m that  _ heartless _ ?” 

 

“Loved,” Jihoon’s voice rose, knuckles white with how hard he grasped against his sleeves. The small part of him that was still rational screamed for him to just leave, but every part of him had held this in for far too long for it not to spill out.  “ _ Loved _ .” 

 

“I didn’t mean it that wa-” Daniel cuts in, softening his tone. 

 

“Do you want to know a secret, Daniel? Since we’re talking about walking from this unscathed and everything.” 

 

Daniel feels his pulse quicken, and he looks at Jihoon with a confused expression.

 

“You broke it off first,” Daniel replies, voice calmer than Jihoon’s agitated tone, “You told me you fell out of love way before I did. You were the one who said we should go our separate ways because I had my priorities and you had your-.” 

 

“I lied!” 

 

Jihoon grits his teeth, feeling hot tears blurring the edges of his vision. Daniel holds in his breath, surprised at the turn of the conversation.

 

"Now I wish I could tell you to unkiss me, I wish I could forget the way your fingers burned on my skin, I wish I never met you," Jihoon hisses through gritted teeth, willing his tears not to fall. "I wish you weren't my first love, my first  _ anything _ , but I close my eyes when I kiss someone else and I hate it because it's not you. I hate how I have to compare everyone else to you, and they always lose because-" 

  
  
Jihoon wipes the corner of his eye, bites his tongue because he wasn't supposed to cry. He was supposed to come here and show Kang Daniel how he has moved on.

  
  
"Because I’m still in love with you," the tears finally start rolling down his cheeks. “Always have been.”

  
  
A stunned silence sits between them, and Daniel doesn't know where to start. Didn't know that the breakup from years ago had scarred Jihoon this much. 

 

Jihoon passes by, handing Daniel the piece of paper with the lyrics he had just written. 

 

The same words Daniel had said he couldn’t write because his heart was never broken before. 

 

A testament that for him, it didn’t even hurt enough to write songs about.   
  


  
"Was it so easy to leave me, Daniel?"

  
  


It was a small sob, desperate and broken, just barely leaving Jihoon’s lips. 

 

And Daniel could not bring himself to answer - because back then, he was young, he was ambitious. He needed to do as much as he can, and to be very honest, Jihoon had only weighed him down with the constant need to be affirmed, the petty jealousy, the requests to be with Daniel every second of every day. It was close to suffocating. 

 

It was almost a relief when Jihoon was the first to break it off, saying that he fell out of love anyway.

 

So yes, it was _ easy to leave -  _ but it was extremely hard not to find himself wishing he hadn’t left at all. 

 

For all his pride in stringing words together in a way that made sense, in a way that made others _ feel _ , Daniel couldn’t phrase it right. 

 

So Jihoon wipes roughly at his eyes one more time, disappointed at how he let himself break and show weakness to a man who probably doesn’t care.

 

He gets up and leaves. 

 

“Forget I asked,” Jihoon’s voice comes in a hoarse whisper. “Forget this happened.  _ Forget everything _ .” 

 

The door closes behind him, and Daniel wonders if this was how Jihoon felt when he walked out of his life years ago. 

 

Everything that once warmed him now burned him cold. 

  
  


*

  
  


Daniel arrives just in time, Jihoon clicking the lock shut on his luggage.

 

Woojin says nothing, shoots Jihoon an apologetic look, and walks out of their room. A room he will have all to himself now that Jihoon had resigned.

 

“Jaehwan didn’t mean any of that,” Daniel quickly explains as soon as Woojin had closed the door. “I really love you, Jihoon, don’t you see that?”

 

“I believe you, Daniel,” Jihoon replies, tone even. He’s had the past few days to see Daniel begging him to listen. He’s had the past few days to realize that maybe he was wrong, too. For letting Daniel go. 

 

He’s had the past few days to decide that maybe leaving is for the best, because neither of them was ready for this.

 

“Don’t leave,” Daniel hates the desperate break in his voice, and how he’s reduced to this. “We’ll make it work this time, Jihoon. Don’t go, I love you.”

  
"For how long, Daniel?" Jihoon replies, refusing to meet Daniel’s hopeful gaze. "When's my next expiry date?" 

 

He pulls his bag closer against him, pulling it between them. Adding to the distance.

  
  
"You'll have me watching you again in the early morning, when the love is lost in your eyes; and I have to pretend all over again that I feel the same way when I don't - when I've always been hopelessly in love with you even when you weren't." Jihoon turns around, only to be stopped by Daniel’s hand on the back of his sweater.

  
  
"I lost you once, I let you go once," Daniel whispers. "Because I was too busy chasing the things that I now have.”

 

Daniel takes Jihoon in his arms and buries his face on his shoulder. Jihoon feels something wet the side of his shirt, and realizes that Daniel is crying. And he feels the hot tears roll down his cheeks as well. “But I’d throw all of this away for just one yesterday - I’d take all the years back and spend them with you.” 

 

Jihoon clutches at his bag, lips nearly bleeding with how much he bit them. 

 

“Don’t stay because I’m begging,” Daniel says, softly. “Stay because you still love me.” 

 

Jihoon’s mind is awhirl. This warmth, this familiarity, this overwhelming feeling of Daniel all over him. He breathes in, and sighs out.

 

“I’m sorry, Daniel.” Jihoon answers, finally - and Daniel feels his heart drop. 

 

Jihoon wants to explain, wants to comfort Daniel with words, and he hates how he has to pry Daniel’s hands off of him - heartbroken sobs echoing around the deserted room. 

 

Jihoon takes one step forward, then two. His heart is crushed as he listens to Daniel repeat the words like a prayer. “Don’t go, don’t go.”

 

“If it helps,” Jihoon bites his lip as he looks back, tears still running down his own face and every piece of him screaming that he doesn’t want to go.  _ But he has to.  _

 

“Write me a song.”

  
  


 

***

  
  
  


_ “Write me a song,” Jihoon lazily drapes his arms around Daniel’s shoulders and presses his chest onto the older boy’s wide back. _

 

_ “I’ve already written you plenty,” Daniel smiles, folding the piece of paper so Jihoon doesn’t see. The younger reaches over and tries to peek, so Daniel wrestles the boy down onto the carpet and tries to initiate a tickle fight.  _

 

_ Only to learn that Jihoon is not ticklish.  _

 

At all. 

 

_ Daniel ends up pinned down on his own mattress, Jihoon’s thighs straddling him; laughter erupting from those chapped lips.  _

 

_ “Now, will you write me a song?” _

 

_ Jihoon was bright, beautiful - mouth open in uncharacteristically enthusiastic laughter.  _

 

_ “Never,” Daniel imitates the way the famous singer Hwang Minhyun says it, and Jihoon falls over.  _

 

_ “Can you not clown him?” Jihoon pouts, pulling himself off Daniel - only to be pulled back down and trapped between the older boy’s arms, back against the floor. _

 

_ “Maybe if you kiss me,” Daniel teases, nuzzling against Jihoon’s warm cheeks.  _

 

_ “You should be writing,” Jihoon says, suddenly shy. _

 

_ Daniel nips at his earlobe. “I’m...getting inspiration.” _

 

_ “What have you written so far anyway?” Jihoon coughs, pulling his head in the other direction; trying to change the conversation before their compromising position stretches into hours, and Daniel ends up writing nothing. _

 

_ Daniel rises just a bit, putting space in between their bodies. He stares at Jihoon directly for a few more seconds than comfortable, before taking one hand and brushing away the fringe that obscured the younger’s gaze.  _

 

_ “ _ I see galaxies in your eyes, in those eyes, in your star-filled eyes. _ ” _

 

_ Daniel bites his lip, slightly embarrassed to be reciting the lines to the very person they were supposed to describe. Jihoon looks a bit too stunned for a few moments before the flush on his face colors him almost as red as his cherry-red pout.  _

 

_ “Can you stop being so obsessed with me all the time,” Jihoon spits out.“It’s making me cringe - I won’t ever let you see my eyes again.” _

 

_ Jihoon closes his eyes tight, covering them with both hands and Daniel laughs out loud. _

 

_ “You’ll have to open those eyes eventually,” Daniel laughs, burying his face in the crook of Jihoon’s neck. Warmth. Home.  _ Jihoon _. “I can write about you forever.”  _

 

_ “ _ But you still shine brightest _ ,” Jihoon whispers back, taking his hands from his eyes to run them through Daniel’s hair.  _

 

_ “Hm?” Daniel tips his head up, looking at those eyes he could write a hundred poems about. _

 

_ “But you still shine brightest,” Jihoon repeats, voice softer. “Put that in the song. That way it’s ours - because it’s about you, too.”  _

 

_ “Our song, hm,” Daniel muses, a small smile cracking on his lips.  _

 

_ “Ours,” Jihoon agrees, pulling Daniel in for a slow, gentle kiss.  _

  
  


_ True enough, Daniel writes nothing more that afternoon. _

  
  


*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaaand sadly that's how it ends! 
> 
> Kei please let me know if you want the fluffy ending because I've drafted a happy ending for this one, it is now all on you if you want the readers to live with this angst~


	2. Spring Breeze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for **Nielwink Month Day 3.**

Daniel’s eyes flick from one camera to another set up all around him, the studio dim save for the one spotlight that bathed him in a bright yellow glow. The makeup artists applies one last puff of powder on his cheek, checks her handiwork, and decides that it’s the best she can do before briskly walking back to the waiting staff.

 

Daniel hears the  _ clap _ of the slate, but he barely understands when the narrator opens the segment. 

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, we’re lucky to have with us today the songwriter behind what are probably some of the most influential top tracks of the past few years. Just about anything this man writes is a guaranteed chart-topper; be it a bop, a ballad, or even a telephone book.”

 

Daniel laughs and nods along to the recited words, wondering to himself how he ever got here. 

 

_ It’s surreal, everything’s so surreal.  _

 

It had been three years since he had written the song that led to everything else that followed - one hit after another, international artists sending him love calls to compose something for them. Everyone wanted to be with him, except that one boy, the only one he wanted to be with.

 

Daniel eventually moving halfway around the world a year ago to make it big in the international scene - his original dream.

 

“Daniel?” 

 

The voice of the interviewer who remained off-camera shakes him from his recollections, and he blinks and sighs before throwing them his most convincing smile. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Daniel gives a sheepish laugh. “What was that?” 

 

“We were asking what inspired you to write the song,  _ Beautiful _ ? Your first award winner from three years ago.”

 

Daniel purses his lips as he’s taken back to three years ago, on a train back to Busan, hands shakily penning out words he’d always wanted to say but didn’t think he ever would. Heart pounding in his chest and in his ears, sweating out desperation despite the cool of the seaside wind. Despite the comforts of home, despite the nearness of Park Jihoon.

 

“There’s,” Daniel swallows drily and tries to laugh it out. “There’s this boy.” 

  
  


***

 

_ “He’s just one boy, Daniel, let him go,” Jaehwan hisses, and immediately regrets it when the tall blond looked even more devastated than he had already been for the past weeks. “I’m sorry, but you’re not being mature about this whole thing. He left, he needs space.”  _

 

_ “Please,” Daniel begs, finally losing the will to resist against Jaehwan and Woojin’s hold against him. “Please, just let me... just let me show him I wrote him the song.”  _

 

_ “Hyung, stop,” Woojin yells, exasperated. “It’s only been two months, he needs time. He doesn’t need you showing up to his door every week. You’ve already been rejected enough times, stop doing this to yourself!” _

 

_ “He’s right, Niel,” Jaehwan runs a frustrated hand through his own hair. “So you’ve written that song. It’s downright beautiful. But one song wouldn’t be enough to make him suddenly run back.”  _

 

_ “Please,” Daniel’s voice comes out strained, on the verge of giving up. “This will be the last, I promise. Just one last try and then I’ll stop trying to run away to Busan anytime I feel like it.”  _

 

_ And that’s how Daniel found himself on a train back home for the tenth time in two months, for the tenth time since he saw Jihoon’s back leaving and him lacking the courage to follow.  _

 

_ He trudges that familiar route to Jihoon’s house, and is met by Mrs. Park’s same sad eyes, a shake of the head (“Jihoon’s home, Daniel dear; but you know he doesn’t want to see anyone right now”).  _

 

_ (Unspoken on her lips: “Especially not you”.) _

 

_ Daniel begs, and maybe something about his bloodshot eyes and the deflation of his usual confident self makes Jihoon’s mother relent - and now he’s in front of the white door to Jihoon’s room.  _

 

_ A white door he used to enter without so much as a knock, and he’ll find Jihoon sprawled on the floor, arms open wide and a smile greeting him welcome. _

 

_ But there were no welcomes anymore.  _

 

_ Just a white door shut tight and imposing. Daniel knocks, and he doesn’t get an answer.  _

 

_ Mrs. Park nods to him with sad eyes, as if to confirm that Jihoon is inside, but there were no guarantees that he’d listen - and she goes down to give Daniel some privacy. _

 

_ After a few shaky breaths, Daniel leans over against the door. “Jihoon?” _

 

_ No response. _

 

_ “I wrote that song, the one I said I couldn’t,” he confesses, smiling bitterly as he unfolds a creased piece of paper from his pocket. “I’m not the best singer but I’m all I have.” _

 

_ He knows it’s stupid; and it’s embarrassing: he’s begging against a closed door and Jihoon may not even be listening on the other side. _

 

_ “You’re more beautiful than anyone else, so don’t cry,” Daniel’s hoarse voice tries to force out a melody nearly drowned out by the beating of his heart and the silence of his own tears, “If you can hear this song for you, come back to me.”  _

 

_ Daniel’s fingers find the wooden grooves on the faded white door as he stops humming the song - immovable and resolute. Hoping that on the other side, his words somehow get to Jihoon. “You’re beautiful, beautiful.” _

 

_ “That’s it.” Coming to an abrupt stop because there’s already a lump in his throat and tears pricking his eyes -  he adds yet another apology on top of every single one he had laid beneath Jihoon’s feet, in a choked voice that breaks at the end: “I’m sorry if every song’s about you.” _

 

_ He’s met with silence, his forehead straining against the door as his heart strained against the pain. He slides the piece of paper under the door and drags a fist against his face to wipe off the tears.  _

 

_ He doesn’t know how long he waits or what he’s waiting for, but he soon hears Mrs. Park calling him from downstairs. Reminding him that he’s overstayed the welcome. _

 

_ “I’ll go now,” Daniel notes bitterly, laughing despite the tears and the desperation. “I just - I just wanted you to know.”  _

 

_ Only three words written on a single piece of paper  _ \- tu me manques _. _

  
  


***

  
  


“Every song you’ve written is about him? So your muse for Brightest is also your muse for Beautiful?” the interviewer summarizes, a mild surprise in his voice. “Don’t tell us he’s also the muse for Spring Breeze?” 

 

Daniel laughs shyly and scratches the back of his neck.

 

“He’s all the songs I write, he’s all the words I have,” Daniel admits and smiles fondly at the cameras, hoping that somehow, the message gets to his Jihoon. “I hope it’s not too cheesy,  _ he hates it when I’m cheesy _ , but he’s all the music I need.” 

 

There’s a bunch of  _ aww’s _ from the waiting staff, and Daniel chuckles in embarrassment. 

 

“The entire staff is charmed, ladies and gentlemen,” the interviewer laughs along, “Even I’m charmed! Surely you were able to win this boy back after Beautiful?”

 

Daniel’s expression turns serious, hands clawing against his jeans as he tries to find the words. 

 

“No,” he answers. And he wants to add to that, wants to explain all the events of the past two years - but no, Jihoon did not come back to him despite Beautiful winning multiple accolades three years ago. 

 

It was a beautiful ballad delivered by Ong Seongwoo and Hwang Minhyun, catapulting the already renowned singers to becoming mainstays of the award season; and everytime they got interviewed about the song, the two singers kept insisting that it was all for Daniel’s muse - and they hoped that Daniel will have his happy ending because he deserves it.

 

But all the hype for Beautiful was not enough to bring Jihoon back.

 

“So you moved out of Korea to write for the international scene two years ago,” the interviewer quickly steers the conversation to another topic, seeing Daniel’s discomfort in the discussion. 

 

“It had always been what I worked hard for,” Daniel raises his head. “And I’ve...had my fair share of sacrifices to move here and leave everything behind.” 

 

“Has it been worth it?” 

 

Daniel pauses for a few beats before replying. 

 

“Definitely.” 

 

***

 

_ “Was it worth it?” _

 

_ Jihoon took one more deep breath, eyes bloodshot, and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do now.  _

 

_ He didn’t know why he kept the door closed when Kang Daniel came knocking all those months ago. Was everything worth the pain they’re both going through? _

 

_ Jihoon didn’t know how hard it was to listen to Daniel crying right outside - didn’t know that he wanted to see someone’s face so badly that it physically hurt. He didn’t know how long Daniel would continue waiting for him.  _

 

_ He didn’t know it would hurt even harder to break up with Kang Daniel a second time. He thought he had been through the worst the first time around, and that this could be fixed by the same old cure - find someone else.  _

 

_ Find someone better.  _

 

_ Find anyone.  _

 

_ But with every new boy who made eye contact with him at the places he frequented, with every new pair of arms that tries to capture him and hold him tight, with every heart who falls for his quick glances and his inviting lips - the memory of Kang Daniel begging him to stay and begging him to listen burned against the back of his eyelids and pulled him off.  _

 

_ And day by day by hopeless day, Jihoon hopes that he’d wake up and not love the radiant boy anymore.  _

 

_ Even just a little less.  _

 

_ And so finally one day, he throws off his covers, figuring that this is it, if I expect him to get over me, I need to get over him first.  _

 

_ Jihoon threw all he had into dancing, choreographing, spending long lonely hours in a dance studio. At first it was to drown the thoughts about Daniel out - he dances until he feels pain, until the pain becomes numbness, until the numbness becomes nothing. _

 

_ But slowly - Jihoon learns to love it.  _

 

_ Learns the intricacies of the stage, the variations of movement he didn’t know he had, wild passion and calculated restraint coming together in his performances; and suddenly he’s one of the best in the Busan scene. _

 

_ And it’s thrilling - it’s like he’s found a life that he can call his. And he wonders how much farther he can take this, dreams upon dreams rushing him like a calling he’s only just realized. _

 

_ “You’re moving to Seoul again?” his mom remarks, leaning against the doorway. _

 

_ Jihoon nods. “I’m excited.”  _

 

_ “Nothing’s holding you back,” His mom kneels beside him, taking him in a hug - her brilliant baby boy was back. “You’ll do great things, Jihoon dear.”  _

  
  
  
  
  


_ Jihoon’s almost finished packing for the next part of his life.  _

 

_ Almost, he thinks as he stares at his room - the one his mother asked him to clean up before he left. _

 

_ So Jihoon works at clearing out all the letters, all the old photographs, all the small things that he never found the courage to throw away because it was too thick with the memory of Daniel and the many times they had seen stars fall and the sun rise, felt how the wind blew against the waves and crashed against them, the sound of Daniel’s laughter ringing in his ears. That shy blush on one spring day, and he’s shocked that Daniel from dance class likes him.  _

 

_ He’s sure now, he can throw this away.  _

 

_ He can live without the constant remembrance.  _

 

_ Until his hands finally get to a small picture frame, hidden behind piles of old clothes - the one Daniel had lovingly placed above his bed that one time he was out of town.  _

 

_ “In case you miss me,” Daniel had joked then, and Jihoon had rolled his eyes but kept still.  _

 

_ “Do you know that in French, they say  _ tu me manques _? Do you know what it means?”  _

_  
_ _ “Stop murdering French with that accent,” Jihoon teased, earning a light slap from Daniel. “Okay, what does it mean?” _

 

_ “That you are missing from me,” Daniel giggled, taking Jihoon’s fingers in his own before adding in a lower voice, “That I can never be complete without you.”  _

 

_ “Daniel,” Jihoon had laughed. “Stop being so dramatic, you’ll only be gone for the weekend.”  _

  
  
  
  
  


_ Jihoon heels hot tears falling down his cheeks again, he’s angry and frustrated because it’s been two years.  And it just takes three words to undo all that time trying to forget. _

 

Tu me manques _. _

 

_ He runs a finger across the picture frame - a picture of him and Daniel in the spring when they first met.  _

 

_ And suddenly his resolve is breaking all over again, dropping the things he had wanted to get rid of, because right now he missed Daniel, knew that it was Daniel missing from him, Daniel and his loud laughter and his warmth and his words and his  _ lips, the Daniel he loved and loves and will love,  _ keeping him from ever being  _ complete. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Jihoon was walking down the street in Seoul when he hears it for the first time - the very song Daniel had recited outside his door almost two years ago. He wonders how he had gone this long without ever hearing it. _

 

_ “Hwang Minhyun and Ong Seongwoo’s first collaboration, a song called  _ Beautiful _ ,” the radio DJ announced, and the sad song wafted across the street, amplified by the speakers at every corner.  _

  
  


_ So beautiful beautiful _ __  
_ What if you’re crying somewhere? _ __  
_ Don’t leave, don’t go, even if your love is a lie _ __  
_ I don’t care what you say _ __  
__  
_ Oh I miss you, I miss you (I miss you) _ __  
_ Your last words as you got far away (I miss you) _ __  
_ It’s strange, I’m afraid, I need you _ __  
_ I hate myself for realizing this now _ __  
__  
_ This foolishly regret-filled song _ __  
_ I hope it reaches the sky _ __  
_ My prayer that looked at you all night _ _  
_ __ I hope it reaches your heart.

  
  
  


_ Jihoon cried alone then, standing in front of an old furniture shop.  _

  
  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Jihoon purses his lips as he listens to the interview on the radio. It takes him back to that moment when he first heard the song Daniel wrote on the airwaves.

 

There are just some people you can never lose even when you want to, and there are some people you spend lifetimes chasing after. 

 

“Do we make a left turn here, sir?” 

 

“I’m not very familiar with this place,” Jihoon admits. “According to the directions, yes.”

 

“ _ Jihoon, how long will you be gone? _ ” he hears Woojin’s voice on the phone beside him. “ _ The Ballet can’t choreograph itself, and they want you _ .” 

 

“Stall them,” Jihoon rolls his eyes. “They’ve been working me to the bone for the past few years, I think I deserve a few weeks off.”

 

“ _ You enjoy it though. _ ”

 

Jihoon pauses and feels his expression curling into a fond smile.

 

“I guess I do.”

 

In those long months he had spent wishing for Daniel to be back in his arms - he had found this, the reason why they broke off in the first place. Daniel adamantly insisting that he had a dream to follow; and Jihoon selfishly making Daniel his whole world. He had blamed Daniel then, blamed him for loving less.  

 

Now Jihoon has a passion independent of Daniel, something he could call his own, something that gave him a reason to wake up everyday. 

 

Slowly, he realized how wrong he was, how wrong they were, how two incomplete halves don’t make a whole - which was why they burst into flames as fast as they came together, both burning up with unbridled intensity. 

 

The cab arrives at the venue, and Jihoon steps down - an invitation for the Ong Seongwoo - Hwang Minhyun concert.

 

After all those invitations he’d ungraciously declined - he finds himself escorted to this one, up to the front seats where he spies Kim Jaehwan who looked like he was expecting him this whole time, but offers nothing more than a polite nod and a wide smile. 

 

He arrives just in time, the moment he settles himself down and let’s the usher take his coat, the lights are dimmed and the orchestra strikes up a melancholy melody. It’s a mid-tempo song, perfect for the ending winter, and this is the first time they’re performing this live.

 

He tips his head to whisper to Jaehwan, “I love it already.” 

 

“Wait ‘til you hear what he wrote,” Jaehwan whispers back.

 

Jihoon’s eyes momentarily flick to the empty seat beside him, one that was reserved for the person he’s travelled all these miles for. 

 

Ong Seongwoo starts the song, Hwang Minhyun’s sweet adlibs echoing and perfectly complementing the low first notes. 

 

“He’ll be here, right?” Jaehwan fiddles as he leans again to whisper in Jihoon’s ear.

 

Jihoon nods, surprised where he’s drawing his own confidence from; when a few years ago he barely believed that the boy could do anything but up and leave. 

  
  


*

  
  


_ “The flight to Los Angeles,” Jihoon said, wide-eyed and breathless, hands clutching tightly on the desk. “Have they boarded? Has passenger Kang Daniel boarded?” _

 

_ Woojin had told him that Daniel was leaving - not for a business trip, not for a vacation. Maybe forever. _

 

_ “What do you mean  _ forever _?” Jihoon’s eyes were wild. He didn’t exactly have a plan when he marched up to Produce Entertainment’s front door, asking to see Daniel - only for Woojin to come out in his stead with the bad news. _

 

_ “I miss you too, bud,” Woojin deadpanned, and then explained that Daniel had been invited to Produce’s International team.  _

 

_ “But,” Jihoon mumbled, suddenly out of reasons. “But I still love him.”  _

 

_ “I know, and don’t worry, it’s embarrassingly mutual,” Woojin shot him an apologetic glance. “All his songs are still about you. He might still be writing about you in the airport about now.”  _

 

_ “His flight is  _ today _?!”  _

 

_ So Jihoon had no choice but to drag Woojin by the neck and have him drive to the airport. _

 

_ “I’m sorry sir, we don’t let passengers without a ticket in,” the security guard recited. So the next step was to grab Woojin’s credit card and purchase the cheapest ticket available - just so he can make it to the gate.  _

 

_ “Daniel?” Jihoon called as soon as he passes the security check, eyes darting wildly at the board that listed all the gates available. The flight to Los Angeles was already at Final Call. “Daniel!”  _

 

_ Jihoon ran in the direction of Gate 11, bumping and apologizing to travelers and nearly tripping on his own two feet. There are phones, there’s messaging apps, he can always fly to Los Angeles - but Daniel needs to know, face-to-face. Now. _

 

_ Jihoon looked worriedly at the empty gate, all the passengers seemed to already have boarded, and he ran to the ground staff guarding the booth. “Sir, I’m sorry, do you have a tick-” _

 

_ “Is Daniel there? Can you ask him to come out, please?” Jihoon begged. “Please, I need to tell him-” _

 

_ “I’m sorry, sir, we can’t-” _

 

_ “Please, he needs to know,” Jihoon was adamant. He tried shouting past the ground staff, who looked like they were ready to call for security. “Daniel! Daniel!” _

 

_ “Jihoon?” _

 

_ A familiar voice behind him ended Jihoon’s frantic yelling. _

 

_ Daniel was still as tall, as bright, as perfect, as the day he met him. Jihoon spun around and immediately pulled Daniel in.  _

 

_ The older man is stunned silent as Jihoon whimpered against his hoodie. “I had to see you again.”  _

 

_ “I had to see you again, and tell you that you’re missing from me.” Jihoon feels Daniel’s hands on his shoulder, pulling him off - and for a split second his heart drops. Maybe Daniel had grown tired of waiting, maybe this was a mistake- _

 

_ “Thank you.” And then suddenly he sees Daniel smiling, crying, in front of him; and he feels those familiar fingers on his chin and then Daniel’s lips on his. _

 

_ All the lost years they spent apart came crashing into just this one moment. They needed no more words, no more explanations, no more apologies. All those lost years came down to just mere seconds, the warmest they both have felt. _

 

_ “ _ This is the final call for Flight 529, we are calling for passenger Kang Daniel; please proceed to Gate 11. This is your final boarding call. _ ” _

 

_ “Do you want me to sta-” _

 

_ “Go,” Jihoon took Daniel’s hand and held it up to his cheek. “Write me a song. Write me all the songs. I will listen to every single one of them, and know you’re mine and I’m yours..”  _

 

_ “Come find me,” Daniel whispered against his skin, and Jihoon held on tight. “When you’re sure, when you’re absolutely sure, when you’re ready, when you love me again-”  _

 

_ “I don’t think I ever stopped,” Jihoon’s breath hitched, punctuated by soft sobs against Daniel’s shoulder. “I couldn’t if I tried.”  _

 

_ “Tu me manques,” Daniel added in his bad accent, and Jihoon laughed despite the tears.   _

 

_ “I love you.”  _

 

_ “We’ll meet again when the spring breeze blows,” Daniel added, and suddenly he’s ushered into the gate by the impatient ground staff. “I promise.” _

 

_ Jihoon watches Daniel leave for what seemed like the hundredth time, but this time, he’s not afraid. This time his heart aches, it aches as it always does when he sees Daniel retreating farther and farther away from him - but for the first time, it doesn’t feel like he’s losing the love of his life. _

  
  
  


***

  
  


“It’s a happy ending then?” the interviewer claps his hands, the staff almost swooning behind him.

 

“Not yet,” Daniel admits shyly, a smile breaking on his face at the recollection of that moment. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m afraid I’m very late for a very important concert.”

  
  


  
  


Daniel spots him right away; his hair back to a beautiful brown - sitting in the front row. His heart beats wildly because he missed him; even if they had spoken nearly everyday. Even if Jihoon dominated his thoughts for the better part his lifetime.

 

“Hi,” Jihoon greets, resisting the urge to stand and jump into Daniel’s arms in the middle of a song. “I’m sorry I’ve only attended one of your concerts now.”

 

“Hi.” Daniel repeats, breathless - he’s standing on the aisle, looking straight into Jihoon’s eyes. 

 

The singers on stage continue, and Jihoon says simply, “It’s a lovely song.”

 

_ We will meet again when the spring breeze blows _

_ I’ll smile brightly when the spring breeze blows _

 

“I told you,” Daniel smiles, “We’ll meet again when the spring breeze blows.”

 

The song ends, and Daniel still refused to sit; Jihoon trying hard not to pull him down beside him. 

 

“We’d like to recognize our composer, Kang Daniel, who just arrived-” Ong Seongwoo calls, and Daniel raises a hand and gestures for the spotlight to come to him instead. 

 

Jihoon is mildly surprised when Jaehwan produces a microphone from under his chair and hands it to the songwriter, who looked a bit out of it.

 

“You okay?” Jihoon whispered, trying to avoid the attention that the spotlight brought when it shone on Daniel in front of him.  

 

“Park Jihoon,” there’s a tremble in Daniel’s voice, very much like the first time - that spring where he stumbles over words a blushing mess, telling Jihoon his feelings and asking if he wants to start dating. Jihoon holds his breath. “My love, Jihoon.” 

 

Daniel falls on one knee, still a blushing mess, slightly as awkward as that first time, but there was a silent confidence in the way he raises a small box. “We’ve spent too much time apart already, and I’m tired of not being by your side.”

 

Daniel licks his lips and looks up. 

 

“Will you marry me?”

 

Jihoon’s sure that some cheers and claps erupted from the audience in the theater, that the band struck up and the balladeers on stage had started humming - but all of it seemed far away.

 

Jihoon recalls falling in love with Daniel in his freshman year: it wasn't sudden like a lightning bolt, but neither was it slow like a starting flame. It felt most like a tempest, catching him unaware and before anything could happen; he's caught in the middle, rising with the tide and crashing against waves. 

 

It was spring when the tempest raged and calmed both in the same exact moment - Daniel's lips on his, tender yet trembling with underlying passion. 

 

And Jihoon had been afraid of falling far too fast for it too last, but the days melded into weeks and into months and into years and Daniel still kissed him like the very first time. 

 

Until all at once he didn't. 

 

But now Daniel was here in front of him, asking him to be with him until death do them part -  like the rush of a tide coming in to dry land and Jihoon wants to say  _ yes _ . 

 

And so he does.

  
  


***

  
  


_ “Yes.”  _

 

_ Daniel blinks in surprise as his head snaps up to look Jihoon straight in the eyes.  _

 

_ “A-are you sure?” Daniel trips over his words, mouth opening and closing without a sound. “Like really, really sure? You won’t regret this?”  _

 

 _Jihoon laughs, the pretty blush high on his cheek blamed away as the effect of the occasional winter wind that still blew. “I’m not sure about the_ not regretting this later _part,” Jihoon avoids Daniel’s gaze and adorably purses his lips. “But I’m pretty sure I didn’t come all the way out here to reject you.”_

 

_ The worry on Daniel’s brow quickly dissipated at that, a huge grin taking its place on his handsome face - and Jihoon darts his eyes back to catch a glimpse of that ridiculously overjoyed expression.  _

 

_ Jihoon smiles back, slightly embarrassed because he had never fallen so hard like this before. He’s never held anyone’s hand this way before, never took one look at anyone’s face and felt so sure. The moment he entered that freshman audition for the dance class, he was merely pulled in because he missed the signups for all the other clubs.  _

 

_ So when Daniel and his infectious laughter and his amazing command of the room welcomed him loudly, with a toothy grin and loud applause at his amateur performance, Jihoon discovered a love for dancing.  _

 

_ Because he’ll dance over and over and over if it meant he’d keep seeing Kang Daniel smiling.  _

 

_ He’d first seen that smile in the summer, and it grew even more radiant in the colors of autumn, brightened even the gloomiest winter, and now in the spring - he finds out that the smile on Daniel’s face was because of him. _

 

_ “Promise me you won’t be cheesy,” Jihoon fiddles with Daniel’s fingers, “It’s... I… I’m new to this.”  _

 

_ Jihoon tilts his head up when he feels Daniel’s fingers lightly pressed against his chin. He wonders how Daniel could be larger than life, louder than anyone, but also as tender and quiet and gentle when it was just the two of them.  _

 

_ “I’ll wait for as long as it takes for you to be ready,” Daniel assures and Jihoon’s heart beats even wilder. “I could wait forever.” _

 

_ Daniel seems to feel how nervous Jihoon is despite the younger’s earlier bravado - so the way he tips his head closer to Jihoon’s leaves plenty of room for the brown-haired boy to pull away or push forward. Like Daniel trusts in whichever direction Jihoon wants to take this - and he trusts him enough to step beside him in a journey they’ll go through together. _

 

_ Daniel’s lips hovers mere inches away from Jihoon’s, and Jihoon closes his eyes - leans in closer, bridging the breath between them; lips crashing against Daniel’s in their first kiss.  _

 

_ And it feels warm, it feels right, it sends sparks flying up and down his body and Jihoon raises both arms to curl around Daniel’s neck.  _

 

_ The spring breeze blew; and in that moment, the kiss they had shared held a promise: that somehow their destinies have been forever entwined. _

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope broken hearts were healed :3


End file.
